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Surviving the Dungeon Under LL

As the school administration continues to crack down on vaping and other disciplinary infractions, more students are being sent to the dungeon lying beneath the Las Lomas campus.  If you happen to get sent to the dungeon or are just passing through, here are some important things you need to know.

“Make sure you bring lotion for your wrists. The shackles are really bad for your skin.”  said Todd Truque, a junior currently serving his sentence in the dungeon. “Try your best to ignore the distant screaming.” Truque is serving time in the dungeon because of his 18-week overdue library book.

Administration hasn’t released any official numbers yet, but it’s estimated that around 300 students currently reside in the dungeon.  Most of the prisoners are regular students, but Truque continually emphasized that the “Riddlemaster” should be ignored. “Pay no attention to the Riddlemaster in cell 37. Don’t look at him. Don’t listen to him. Don’t accept any of his requests to play 8 Ball. Trust me.”

For general cell survival, Truque had plenty of tips. “Bring an extra pillow. The mattresses in the cell always too hard. The hardtack and Capri Sun supplied by the guards is disgusting and often grows mold. Any rat meat you can find is much better. Make sure that the frequent rat swarms don’t bite your ankles. The wifi is spotty. Unfortunately, there’s no fix for that.”

“At least we have Capri Sun,” said an anonymous administrator. “The dungeon at Northgate only has room temperature milk.”

Truque had some closing statements about that dungeon. “Overall, the dungeon isn’t that bad. Once you learn the ropes after a few weeks, you might even call this place home. Although I’m getting really worried about that pendulum that’s slowly lowering towards me.”

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