Written By: Cam Lippincott and Josh Silva
Graphic By: Sara Valbuena
Pisces : February 19-March 20
Pisces, it’s time to stop procrastinating. Whether it’s a last minute Halloween costume or last minute homework, it’s gone too far. Haven’t you gotten tired of staying up until 2:00 AM finishing homework? Oh well. Just be wary, because after these coming weeks, you will have no choice but to stop…
Taurus : April 20-May 20
Your Halloween will consist of binging the same shows over and over, eating chips in your bed and not doing your homework. Some friends will try to get you out of your shell but to no avail. You won’t be without some scares this month; however, let’s just say don’t check Canvas after last week’s test grades are put in…
Gemini : May 21-June 20
Watching a scary movie with your friends? What can go wrong? Well, everything. Look out for spilled soda on your carpet and popcorn in between your couch cushions. The movie won’t even be any good, but you’ll probably still end up paralyzed in fear by some cheap jumpscare. At least the two pounds of candy you eat will only make you sick for three days.
Cancer : June 21-July 22
Here’s the deal Cancer, we all love a good Halloween costume, but wearing a realistic lobster suit to school on Halloween? That might be pushing it. We know it’s your “passion” and all of that but maybe it’s best if you keep it to yourself, no offense.
Leo : July 23-August 22
Leo, it’s time for you to realize you can’t just repeat the same jokes over and over again and expect them to be funny. The joke was funny the first time, but that doesn’t mean it will be better the 100th time. Maybe this Halloween, you’ll realize the horrors of your ways.
Virgo : August 23-September 22
Look Virgo, we both know these past fall seasons haven’t gone too well for you. Maybe it’s been a bad cold or a regrettable DM — okay, a really regrettable DM, but that’s beside the point. This fall will be different! Look forward to candy and watching movies with your friends, or maybe you are doomed to repeat your past.
Libra : September 23-October 22
This will be a month for readjustment. You’ve faced significant changes recently and they may be daunting. Adapting to these changes will take time, but your strength and the care of loved ones will get you through the toughest moments. It’s just too bad that the only handsome British man you’ll meet will be an Austin Powers impersonator.
Scorpio : October 23-November 21
You will be feeling feelings and you’ll want to introduce a little anarchy into your Halloween. It’s a day to wear masks, but you’ve always been wearing a mask, and soon, you’ll have to survive the scariest monster of all: society. But the joke will be on them; your costume will be the only one which tells the truth about society. In fact, you’ll feel like the only person without a costume at all.
Sagittarius : November 22-December 21
Usually, people only go on the streets to Trick-or-Treat, but you were born on the streets. When you got rock candy, it was made of actual rocks. Because of this, trivial Halloween scares have little effect on you. But just because you left the streets, don’t forget that the streets raised you.
Capricorn : December 21-January 20
This month you’ll want to put your nose to the grindstone of schoolwork. But though grades are important, they cannot replace the enjoyment you’ll get from a Halloween bike ride or game of 8-Ball. Study hard and you’ll accomplish amazing feats, but take a load off your feet and embrace the atmosphere of the season.
Aquarius : January 21-February 18
Aquarius, don’t let your recent streak of good luck encourage you. This month will be miserable and will have no redeeming qualities. Your closest friends will betray you, your teachers will fail you, your pets will abandon you and you’ll be left with nothing but the bottom of an empty candy bag. Better luck next month!
Aries : March 21- April 19
Last month may have short changed you but look upwards. You’ll have astonishing foresight for the outcome of your Halloween, so much so that you can manifest an enjoyable one. Just don’t let your vices get the best of you; the Halloween sugar high is euphoric, but it is also fleeting and you may be in a candy coma come November 1st.